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Putin steps down as president of Russia
“I’m very much like Ernest Hemingway, except more masculine” Vladimir Putin has today announced his resignation as Russian president, citing his increasing boredom with the job, and “desire to follow...
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Assad “will dispose of chemical weapons”
President Bashar al-Assad of Syria has announced his plans to dispose of his country’s arsenal of chemical weapons by releasing them over a variety of densely-populated urban areas. Hang on a second…...
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Tories ‘said nothing’ between 2000 and 2010
“YOU know I’m not a total wanker, don’t you?” The Conservative central office announced today that it had expunged its entire archive of speeches and press releases for the first decade of the century,...
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Putin threatens to stick his big, hard nuke into virgin Canadian soil
Vladi likes a good tumble, but not in a gay way Vladimir Putin has lashed out at Canada, after an amusing, gentle Canadian advert protested against the tide of Russian homophobia surrounding the Sochi...
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Putin completes transformation into comic-book villain
If 2D people turn to the side, you can’t see them at all After having women whipped in the street, demonising homosexuals, and upholding the authoritarian Ukrainian government’s stance against calls...
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US threatens Russia with stern phonecalls
“Can I speak to Vladimir please?… Well, can you tell him it’s really rather urgent?… Well can I leave a message then?” President Obama has said that Russia’s military presence in the Crimea constitutes...
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Daily Cartoon: Stefan Bell on the Crimea
Once again we present a brilliant, biting satire, syndicated from sister-paper ‘The Grauniad‘! Stefan Bell, the so-called ‘greatest 18th-century throwback’ satirist of his generation, is using his...
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UK must keep Trident for 1980s re-enactments, say experts
Like a big pretty flower The Trident Commission has insisted that the UK needs to retain its nuclear capabilities, or face being unable to participate in historical re-enactments of nuclear-apocalypse...
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Russia sends not-at-all suspicious aid convoy to Ukraine
“You couldn’t fit a platoon, a small armoured car, an anti-tank artillery piece and enough supplies and ammunition to last three months into one of these. And we should know, we checked!” Russia...
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People who complain about American intervention demand American intervention
“Merkel ought to get Obama’s bloodlust up: imagine Ann Diamond arriving on your doorstep – and she’s still not forgiven you for tapping her phone” People unencumbered with brainpower who have spent...
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